Listen Deeply, Turn Fear in Prudence

Photo taken by Delphina Raven, Guelph Conservation, Guelph, Ontario, Canada in Feb 2017

One of the epiphanies when my relationship ended was this. Only by holding myself accountable can I examine my contribution to any outcome. No one is ever free of faults when something falls apart.

The more adversities and disagreements there are in any kind of relationship, the more we latch onto our ego and self-righteousness for outward defence, and the less we are capable of listening, especially this kind of deep listening, hearing behind/beyond the written/verbal message, of the other, as well as of our own. Yes, the message behind our self-righteousness is actually different. When self-righteousness dissolves, self-pity and victimhood mindset give way to compassion for ourselves and others.

Awareness of the underlying dynamics becomes clear, and our inner work deepens, which improves deep listening skills while turning fear into prudence and self-regulation, leading to healthy boundary setting and respect for others and ourselves, and thus relationships with unique people.

Oftentimes it has to do with needs that aren’t being heard, on ALL sides. Self-righteousness often makes us deaf. But not mute, unfortunately, when need be.